Concerto Finale
by carameltootsieroll
Summary: "But he couldn't blame love. That was what love did, after all. It made you forget your own self and made you put someone else's needs before yours." James Carstairs picks up his violin one night and plays a piece he has composed for the girl he loves. (One-shot) -Edited and re-posted on July 14, 2015-


_**A/N: **_**Hullo! I uploaded this fic a year ago, but a beautiful and moving review by _Igenlode Wordsmith_ inspired me to go over my writing and well, re-write this. This piece of writing is actually one really close to my heart as ****I am a musician myself. Primarily a classical pianist, but I'm also self-taught on the guitar. I apologize in advanced if ever my writing about the violin is rather inaccurate, because I am not a violinist. I can literally only play a scale on the violin, that is it. :( **

**I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has read and reviewed and favorited so far. You Shadowhunters rock. :)**

"Finale," Jem murmured to himself, deciding to call his newest composition by that title. He sighed and raised the paper up so that the light coming in from his window illuminated the parchment. To the untrained eye, the parchment would probably appear to be a mere collection of notes. It would probably look like a paragraph written in script of a foreign language.

But Jem knew better. He was a trained musician. He saw the opening passage; or rather, he _heard _it in his mind. The first note was high, soft and sweet, almost teasing. His eyes traveled further down the parchment and he heard more of his composition in his mind. Thrilling _cadenzas_, graceful quavers of _appogiatura, _sharp and quick tones played_pizzicato_. His heart beat with excitement as the music continued to play on in his head; _Finale Concerto's _main melody teasing his ears and making his fingers tremble.

This was the work of his heart, the song of his soul. He saw memories interwoven into the music. He saw the beauty of the sunrise, of the sunset. And stars…oh such beautiful stars. Stars as bright as Tessa's eyes. He saw Tessa, he saw love.

"Finale," he breathed again as he rosined his bow.

Finale…

_Finale._

_Finale._

Jem knew what that word meant to musicians like himself. _Finale_: a strong and powerful ending performance. A finale is the performer's last chance to woo the audience, to serenade them once more with the art form. It is the ending scene. Therefore, it always has to be the best, the most memorable piece.

_The ending scene._

Jem set his violin under his chin, its neck resting perfectly on the curve of his thumb.

The first note that Jem played was strong yet sweet, and he closed his eyes for a brief second so that he could feel the magic of his music more intensely. He set down a second finger onto the same string and a higher pitch played now. The transition between the two notes was fluid, _legato,_ like water washing over a pebble in a stream.

_Finale._

Maybe that was why Jem had named this piece that way. Maybe it didn't only signify that this was probably going to be one of the last compositions of his life, but it also signified what he had to be for Tessa.

He had to be a _finale._ He had to _live _what was left of his frail life for the girl that he loved. He had to burn bright, give her his entire self just as a star might do right before it explodes and dies.

_Die._

_No,_ Jem thought. _I have Tessa to live for._ His fingers flitted across the strings of the instrument, the sudden thought of death fueling the transition of his music from soft to a powerful _crescendo. _

Jem didn't want to _die. _

He took a deep breath and tried to keep a stiff upper lip. He played a single long vibrato note, allowing the sound to swell beneath his quivering fingers like a sob until it echoed, filling his empty room.

Jem _didn't want to die. _He had been open to the idea of death since he knew he was addicted. It was inevitable, he understood.

But things were different now. He had Tessa to live for now; he couldn't leave her alone in this world.

Oh, Theresa. Jem remembered the night he had proposed all too clearly. The way he had knelt before her, the endearing look in her gray eyes, the authenticity of their heartfelt hug. Jem had believed that her _yes_ was the reason he was suddenly so healthy. Jem had believed that her love was keeping him alive, literally.

He wanted to believe it was her love that was keeping him alive.

But it all changed on _that_ night. _That_ night that brought him staggering away from the dining table and into his room, Tessa and Will shooting glances at his abrupt departure. That night that brought him to his knees with a coughing fit so bad, he had to spend a full minute just trying to catch his breath. That night that made him realize that no, it wasn't Tessa who was keeping him healthy. It wasn't love.

No, love had just blinded him momentarily to himself.

But he couldn't blame love. That was what love did, after all. It made you forget your own self and made you put someone else's needs before yours.

Jem had started on a double dose the day after. The effects of increased Yin Fen had shown itself ever so quickly. He was more alert, more cheerful. His head felt lighter, his lungs felt bigger.

But an increased dosage also meant that the Yin Fen in his stock would run out at a quicker pace. It also meant more Yin Fen in his system. He was literally stretching his life out into a thin, fragile, strip.

He would burn bright, yes, but he would also burn out.

Finale.

_Tessa…_

_Finale._

_Tessa…Theresa Gray…_

Jem gasped for breath. He felt as if someone had stabbed through his heart with a burning seraph blade. Who was he to leave her alone in this world? Who was he to promise her a life of love, when his own life had an expiration date to it? Who was he to marry this beautiful girl, only to leave her to her own misery when he moved on to the life after?

This was wrong. It was all wrong.

What was he doing?

"No!" Jem shouted, the guttural cry resonating throughout the room. He sank to his knees and clutched his violin to his beating heart.

All motivation had suddenly ebbed away.

"No," he cried again, his voice softer this time. Leaving Tessa alone in this world would be heartless. Why did he even have to fall in love with her in the first place?

He could not imagine a life in the afterworld without Tessa. A life without her would be like a life without music; no emotion, no expression, no reason to keep living.

A life without Tessa would be a life without music….a life of silence.

Jem gripped his violin tightly, so tightly that his knuckles turned white.

_Finale._

A life without Tessa.

_Finale._

A life of silence.

Silence.

"No, no, no!" He shouted for the third time. He was breathing hard and when he tried to blink, he realized that his vision had gone blurry. Tears.

He blinked those tears away angrily and stood. He positioned his violin under his chin again, and raised his bow, his hands trembling slightly.

He was not going to give in to silence, not yet. He would keep playing while he still could.

_Finale. For the girl who was the music and love of his life, Tessa Gray._

"Duìyú wǒ shēngmìng zhòng de yīnyuè, Hé wǒ ài de wéiyī de nǚhái, Tessa Gray."

Jem would keep playing for Tessa as long as his drugged body would allow him, as long as his fingers still obeyed his mind.

He was still alive after all. Tessa had him and he had her. He would burn bright until he burned out.

END

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><p><em><strong>AN: **_**Shoutout to _Igenlode Wordsmith_ for the suggestions on how I should re-write this fic! Your constructive criticism helped me loads!**


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